My journey through life

...

2006-07-28T06:39:00.000-07:00

heiya, whats up, i think u guys know by now that i only do this so-called blog when i cant do anything or completely emotional... well right now, dapat im going to a party but because of the stupid rain, yes i hate rain yet i love it, it relaxes me and makes me fell warm?... sleepy! anyway, un, so the driver went home, home.. and no taxi's were available. as in, i waited for like 45 minutes and wala parin... so un, im at home, self-pity, missing the fun and thrill of the party.. .bye poker, swimming, drinks, FOOD! and other stuff..... gossip perhaps?! hmmmmmmmm haha:D..

btw, i watched sukob at eastwood, it was nice, freaky!

solitude:P

2006-06-04T21:56:00.000-07:00

hey, here's a poem that i composed for lit... i just feel like posting it... feel free to comment on it:P thnx much-ness:P

Like the sun that sets down without her rays

Her beauty’s radiance fades as they say

Her shine dazzles no more our days

Her warmth tires away

Bringing forth my miserable days

So to like a flower stripped of its bloom

Turning into weed whose life is bound to doom

No more the sparkle… no more the beauty

Oh what dreadful fate we have to pity

So to like the night sky, so black and so boundless

No stars, not even dreams, unbelievably lifeless

I lay now in the dank basement, solitary and barren

In the midst of your absence I lament, so static and so frozen

And if only in your presence that I can feel whole again,

Then I ask that you compassionately, stay and be
With me, for this vagueness to turn into sweet serenity.

Flying digits

2006-03-21T06:38:00.000-08:00

At this exact time... Well minutes have passed since I started, I am finishing my last paper for my 1st year at the Ateneo. Another exam and yup, vacation arrives, I can almost feel the days of sleeping late and not waking up early. The sound of the waves splashing clings to me and brings memories those of which spells fun and enjoyment. But, as I continue to write my paper, I recall what happened during OrSem, how I met my tnt's, my org, and my blockmates. I can still remember our bonding, our gimmicks, our whatever activities we decide to do like it was just yesterday. How we sing and dance to entertain ourselves and make a fool out of us... Well... grrrrrrrr... Its about to end, my 1st year of working and playing...

grabe parang it was just yesterday, I entered ateneo and do not have any friends, and then I met my block mates...

mejo naulit ah...

oh well, ang exag, 2nd year na! may last paper, my last exam, w8, mag one year na ako dito sa Manila? How time flies, so swiftly, yet so smoothly...

thnx everyone for making my 1st year fun!

Hell-est hell ever! :((

2006-03-11T01:14:00.000-08:00

Grabe, school years about to end... and come to think of it, ngayon ko lang naexperience ang hellest weekS ever... dati, i thought hell week na ung mga 3 lt's a week. di pa pala... kaso, now, aside from the lt's, may reports and papers pa. Wait, kulang pa pala, book reports and other things na kailangan gawin...

well, its as if i cant do it, its too hard, too stressed out, but if you think about it, its as easy as 1,2,3... all i have to do is to balance my time and pray. coz no matterhow stressed i am, a little prayer helps me recharge! haha... and share ko lang, ngayon ko lang tlaga naexperience to go to a computer shop to type coz the one at home is being used... again! screw dota!!!!!!!!!

anywa, few more days.. vacation na.. balik na ko sa ginagawa ko.. see yah later.. haha:P

Ktv night! :D

2006-02-17T20:37:00.000-08:00

yesterday was bei's birthday!! yipee... whooooooooooooo!!! cheers... Happy birthday to you!...

anyway, she celebrated it at red box, so jaron and I arrived there at around 7:30... We were the first ones there... tpos c frrriend karla, then jv, then rench, then deb, Milan, then rachelle and gelaine, then bea and guia, then kloe and cj....

tpos un, karla started out hyper, as usual, and we were astonished by her voice! As in, any song, kaya niya, from manny pacquio to mariah Carey... wahhhhh.. haaaiiii... And then, we just kept singing and dancing while others played billiards... When its about time to leave, mga 11:45, imagine, almost 5 hours kami kumakanta!, we sang a song for be, instead of I will be here.. We changed it to we will be here.. haha baduy! Nonetheless, twas fun....

*actually the whole time parang naging concert ni karla eh, we were watching her... haha

tpos the day ended fun, hopefully, bei enjoyed her birthday... Actually sana it was memorable, one not worth forgetting.. She even texted us, "friends, salamat sa pagpunta, salamat sa kalokohan. pinasaya niyo birthday ko sobra! sana masaya rin kayo, swerte ko na kayo kaibigan ko sa ateneo."

... Losing myself... Yet, looking for it again

2006-02-14T03:53:00.000-08:00

grr.... For some reason... mejo naiirita ako.. lalo na after the movie, we went to gateway to watch dick and Jane... Anyway, it was fun, considering the fact that I was with bei and bea... tpos un, when we went back to admu, I attended the forum... I learned a lot... Things that I should've known ever since pa... tpos supposedly, dinner after.. kaso for some reason, bigla ako na drain, its as if my energy, happiness and myself was gone... I felt so down, useless and tired... I really wanted to go with them kaso there's something preventing me to go with them... So I went home.. tpos shes online... My gorsh... nabuhay uli ako.. parang the fact that im with her, or simply talking to her gives me the strength, gives me something im proud to have... oh well.. Only time will tell.. I only wish its not too late :P

im sooo happy! And a bit missing her...

2006-02-09T06:15:00.000-08:00

Oh My God! Share ko Lang... This has been one of my bestest days in college... As in super duper mega unbelievable xa... I got a perfect score on our math long test!!!:D. ... Not that im showing off pero, ngayon Lang talaga ako nakaperfect NC exam... sa quizzes not new but a test?! haha... Well, hopefully, may ma-inspire ako... coz if I can do it, y cant u? mas mataas pa probability na maka perfect kayo! :P... Well, sana Lang the girl I want would realize na she was my inspiration while taking the exam... Vitamins ko xa eh, and I saw her just before I took the test... Well, I hope that soon, madevelop ang friendship namin into something deeper.. Something worth remembering and experiencing... I know baduy ko, vbut, let it be... im just happy! And missing her...:P

I miss you babe!

2006-02-05T04:31:00.000-08:00

Oh my God! I cant believe this, its been a while since I last actually saw u, stayed with u, been with you. I miss you so much! If you could only see how miserable I am without U. everytime I have the initiative to talk to you, u don't answer back, u seldom do, u never do...

waaahhhh.... Is this really me? So... Useless... So... Pathetic... So f-ed up...

I can only imagine life with you... Could it be, the two of us, together? Combining our lives as if we are one, so happy, so joyful... D*** I hate admitting that somehow im fallin for u, and I miss you!

The Person I am... -one tree hill

2005-12-04T04:39:00.000-08:00

Hansel said to greatly: "Let us drop these bread crumbs so that together, we find our way home."

because losing our way would be the most cruel of things. There was this one time, I lost my way.

Losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But losing your reason for the journey is a fate more cruel.

The journey lasted 6 months. Sometimes I traveled alone. Sometimes, there were others who took the wheel, and took my heart. But when the destination was reached, it wasn't me who arrived. It wasn't me at all...

and once you lose yourself, you have 2 options. Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely. Because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person your were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are!

grr..

2005-11-30T04:17:00.000-08:00

The poem below is way to different. It was supposed to be a heart shaped poem... None the less.. Enjoy!

till next time!

a poem... i dont know why...

2005-11-30T04:08:00.000-08:00

Pananabik

Sa bawat araw na ika’y nakikita, lalong

timitindi ang nararamdaman ko para sa iyo. Dahil sa iyong
magaan na pakikisama, malamamon na puso, at kabigha-bighaning

ganda na tanging ikaw lamang ang may taglay. Tunay ngang kakaiba

na ang aking nararamdaman. Sa tuwing ika’y aking kasama, ang puso

ko’y tumitibok ng mabilis at mabagal sa isang saglit. Pawis ko’y tumu-tulo sa bawat minutong pagpapakitang gilas ko sa iyo. Hindi ko na

maaari pang maitago ang aking nararamdaman sapagkat alam

kong tunay ito, at hindi ko ito maipagkakaila. Lagi kitang

hinahanap-hanap. Kahit sa aking pagkain tanging

ang imahen mo ang tumatatak sa aking isipan.

Ngunit, Isa lamang ang aking kinakata-

kutan, paano kung sa paggising ko,

malaman kong ikaw ay isang

panaginip lamang? Kat-

hang isip na nabuo

sa aking pana-

nabik...

Enraged and happy..... Yet... Longing??

2005-10-24T12:45:00.000-07:00

I am feeling..... Glad, to be able to write in this journal again... Its been a long time... A lot to say... So little time... Yet, furious... On what I did... Why I did it... And what to do next??

"I know u know that I know u love me"... (O,o)???

gosh, I really don't know how to say this... But we are off... Once again.. Alone, no one to cling on to... No one to be with... No one to call my boo.....

"palayain ang isa't isa, kung tayo, tayo talaga"... -session road

it started as a cool off... And then.. Whoosh!! No more.. Its gone...

"heaven knows how embittered I am"... -orange and lemons

I may be wrong when I gave up... When I let go.. It seems so hard yet I can finally be free... Be liberated....

"I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again"... -Mariah Carey

I hope that I can recover soon... That I can once again stand up, have a strong foundation through my family, my friends, my relatives, God, and you!!

"i miss the man i was with you"... -Jimmy Bondoc

hoping that i would once again be the same person as i was with you...

"jesus your my superhero, your my star, my bestfriend"... -yfc
"till we meet again"... -Jonathan Montalban(grad song)

I do expect to see you soon, hope u wont wither, wont get lost, wont disappear...
...
...
...

Dyip!

2005-10-05T01:47:00.000-07:00

Matagal kong hinintay ang
Dyip patungong langit.
Nang dumating na’y, pasakay
pa lamang ako, siya nama’y
papalabas na.

Nagkatitigan kami at kanyang
nasabi: “oh, ikaw naman,
di ka pwede sumabit.” Nagkangitian kami
sa haba ng isang gabing saglit.

Umupo ako at niyakap ng titig
ang paglalaro ng alon at agos
sa kanyang mga buhok.

Umandar ang dyip
at agad kong nasambit:
PARA!

Kabababa lang ng aking langit.

Can this be... enough?

2005-09-27T21:41:00.001-07:00

Everytime I see you, I secretly start to smile. Smiling that shows something much deeper than happiness. Something that makes me realize that I like her, so cute, so adorable.

Everytime you're around, I seem to lose my concentration. I would start feeling conscious shy and yet, a part of me still wants to impress you.

Everytime we talk, it shivers me. I feel a chill run through my body indicating your steaminess and coldness at the same time. Makes me feel like gliding in the sky with nothing but my heart beating fastly and slowly at the same time.

oh how I want to be with you, want to know more about you. Want to experience what it feels being around you. Please, I ask you...

thinking that the last session was over, would you talk to me again, would you laugh with me again? Wait, the thing is, will I ever see you again... Just hoping that a lil Rembrandt from the past would help you realize how much I adore you. Even a little indication that you remember me is enough. As long as you know me, that is enough...

Your World!

2005-09-21T19:56:00.000-07:00

Do net let your fire go out;
spark by irreplaceable spark.

In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, not yet, not at all...

do net let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but never been able to reach

the world you desired can be won...
it exists,
it is real,
it is possible,
it is yours!

The ventures before us...

2005-09-19T20:32:00.000-07:00

There is a tide in the affairs of men,
which when taken at the flood, leads on to fortune...
but omitted...
And the voyage of their life is bound in shallows,
and in miseries...

On such a full sea are we now afloat,
and we must take the current when it serves
or lose the ventures before us...

One fairly weathered morning...

2005-09-18T18:01:00.000-07:00

As I begun my morning jog for today, I came across the abode of the person I truly love amidst the fact that we fought. The sunny day turned dark and gloomy all of the sudden. Rain poured and winds blew from the east. I was soaking wet waiting for her to come out, prepared as I am to ask for forgiveness.

as soon as she walked out the door, she saw me. This was the moment, my chance, and the opportunity for us to become close was right there lying in front of me. Without hesitation, I approached her and said "boo, I'm sorry, I know I should never have asked you to do it." she said:"is that it, so what are you going to do now?"... I paused in a while and told her: "My pride says, just walk away and leave her with the fact that she's clearly threatened by your friends. But my heart says just forget about your pride you idiot, you love this girl, and even if you catch pneumonia, your ass is gonna stand out here in the rain until you convince her to forgive you." Tears fell down her cheeks, she was crying, and she asked: " why are you doing this?" I replied, "its because I'm sorry... And because I love you."

after having those conversation, she hugged me tightly. I was so relieved knowing the fact that I did it, I was successful, I was able to ask for an apology. I never knew that the feeling would be incredible, would be explicit and worth remembering. We were soaking wet, we decided to wait for the rain to stop. I know that love encompasses everything, I sure hope that it would overcome any trial we may be experiencing.

Craving for you...

2005-09-17T22:55:00.000-07:00

as you sit by the chair in a dimly lighted room, I find u attractive, an affection deeper than anyone could experience. Your perfectly shaped figure that shadows through the room makes me realize that I want you! As your reflection in the mirror shows, as your sweet smell goes with the wind, how I agree with all the people who've experienced it. oh baby, I cant stop thinking bout you! The thought of you shows me the satisfaction I can have, I can feel, oh how I want you so dearly. I know I will be able to manipulate you! I can find your sweet spots, control your inner thoughts!

ooooooohhhhhhh!!!

aaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!

I cant take it anymore!!

Give me that sweet lil cookie to munch on!

Depressed...

2005-09-16T18:38:00.000-07:00

I woke up today, looking at the window, blankly noticing everything happening. When the thought struck me. The girl with the well that I have fallen from might be angered, raged and furied. Of all the things I could've done, why annoying u may be my top choice. She stared at me with her eyes popping out and hit me with words that aren't pleasing to anyone's ears. How could this be? What did I do to make u mad? All I wanted was to take a piece of your busy time, to relieve you from stress and to have you relaxed even for a minute or so.

I know I could've been more understanding, thinking that u were into the fact that I like you. I know that once I start teasing you, I would never stop... This is because im into you! Cant you see it? How I always go out with you, help you, and carry things for you... I know I may be crazy but still, I think it is better off if I just leave u alone... Forget what we have been through. Forget every little memory we have gone through. Better yet, forget I've known u more that a friend? Lets start over...

... Continuing to look blankly on the window, I realized that all these things were nothing but a dream. A dream that somehow remained in my mind and made me realize to slow down, lie low, and wait... Anyway, I hope whatever I saw in the dream would never happen in reality. I should set my mind off to these things and focus more on what is important, for now, acads, orgs and friends.:D

Nothing new except...

2005-09-15T20:40:00.000-07:00

as the ticking of the clock goes tick tock slowly, I caught a glimpse on my shirt. It was white, with layers of blue in the linings and the word ateneo on the side... Made me remember the tragic experience I have during those times...

everytime I see you, I felt as if I was walking with no direction, no one to follow, letting my mind wander through the large unwinding field of the area. The way you smile, relax and watch makes me ponder and think what if... What if we became close... What if we were together all the time... What if we would be helping out, giving advice and helping one another everytime... All these what if's popping one by one until my head blows...

as I go to sleep tonight, I reminisce every lil blessing that come my way... I will remember your smile, your expression and your haughtiness. Makes me realize that no matter how hard I wait, if I wont act now, hu wud? Hoping that the courses we will be taking in the future would make us reunite again. Still, I wont regret having been introduced to someone like you. Someone to die for...

I cant take it...

2005-09-15T14:53:00.000-07:00

Expectation is definitely the bitch that drives me crazy. She woos me with her charm; the soft luscious feel of succulent temptation. Then she intoxicates me with lurid whispers of lustful fulfillment. I smile as her lips bite mine in a gush of torrid passion and a head rush of pleasure surrounds me as I enter her world of plethoric worldliness.

Then the mortal, I come crashing down in an anticlimactic fall from grace. Wondering, dreaming, pondering, wishing - when will I get the taste of sweet victory as my fantasies slowly dwindle back to earth where they would by chance get trampled on and uprooted again by the purity and ruthlessness of the bitch I try hard to ignore.

I remember...

2005-09-14T08:36:00.000-07:00

OMG! its been 10 years since i last blogged... how harsh could i be... anyway, today was a very gloomy day, literally and idiomatically. today, strong emotions overrun my body, one that is making me guilty yet pleasuring and appreciating everything i do... today is the monthsary of me and my girl. well, at first, i honestly thought it was yesterday, but a little shake from my head and i figured it was today. this really excruciates the feelings surrounding her. aside from that, flirting was the greatest task anywho would have. I, flirted with Kristel, almost everytime we meet. we even went to her simple abode to chill. this is so nor artistic!Moving on, some almost death insults was what i received. 1stly, i was being bugged by someone so low and so tiny i could almost squish him. he insulted me by saying, galing ka sa boondok. like, i know, but the thought of it grew on my nerve, which was the last one, and really stoke me hardly. Next, i really am not a gay. i just ask when im in the mood. but a friend of mine always acts as if i was gay and just insults me in a way. aside from that, p.e class was the worst.. imagine, my teacher assigned me to be in the least favored group. aside from that, he also assigned me to the other group which was n ext the ranking of my 1st group. (was it vague? dont ask) so, i actually am playing 2 groups. but to make it optimistic, i figured that she did this because i was the best among the 2 groups, she assigned me to lead the least favored and join the other group for a challenge. but all the hatred that i felt during p.e was recovered everytime i see .... OMG! what an adorable human being, ... approaches me and acts as if we were close... i think i like ... considering the fact that we have the same pe schedule and at the same venue (cov. courts)... moving on, another problem i am facing is my tummy, i am starting to be annoyed by the people shaking it nonstop!!1 it is so irritating! but to them, it is fun. how cruel. its because they dont feel what i feel everytimer they shake it...moving on to the lighter side of my life, i was able to greet my boo a happy monthsary, using at least 9 different cellphone numbers with the same message. i do hope she likes it. also, i attended a prayer meeting a while back. i was nice... (go mika!) what a great speaker... well, basically it was to release stress and all. but the thing is i dont know the lyrics to the songs. i kinda felt out of place and i envy those who know the song..... btw, i love u ate eloi and ate ceo... without both of u, i wouldnt be enjoying yfc this much! mwah!!this is way too long... i need to wrap it up though...spiderman said, "with great power comes great responsibility", and i'm not saying i have great power, i'm saying... i don't use my gift responsibly; at least.. not today.also, with the all the things happening, good or bad, happiness or sadness, enjoying or annoying, i have nothing but hope, and a pocket full of lint. im emptied out, and i need you guys in ways that makes my pride hurt much more than just a lot.

Boredom overruns me...

2005-07-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

hey there, la lng, cant seem to find anything worthwhile so I guess write a blog nlng... Anyway, today, sobrang kakaasar ang nose ko... Super full cya as in even though I try forcing it out, still nothing happens... sinusitis ata to eh... tpos hul day sa skul was not that fun coz super boring nung English namin and botany. we stayed at the YFC bench to actually, play cards haha.. intactwas a lot better (thank God)... tpos we went to the library to color a book.. hahaha... and nagpaturo rin ung iba sa math... btw, JV treated us for lunch at pizza hut... it was actually bitin to some of us. imagine... never mind.. .buti nga nalibre pa eh.. also, the thought passed my mind around 3-8 times this day if i would tell karla what i figured out over the weekend. but i figured ok lng to blab it out ksi they dont even know the person... but im afraid i would be hearing nasty, unacceptable and mean comments... nonetheless, over the weekend, i had a chat with mikaella, a girl from my old school who i thought was really purdy and really nice.. so we were actually talking bout anything until the topic opened about crushes. then i told her, kaya nga crush kita dati eh... guess what? she said that... ako rin eh crush din kita dati... OMG... i was so shocked.. then we were actually asking why... sabi nya she was waiting for me to act but wasnt doing anything so instead, she gave way to nico... (dont ask)... i thought to myself, how stupid could i be.. didnt even had the urge to tell her how i care then... tpos un, i felt so sorry for myself.. tpos lam nyu last statement nya before i logged out? she said that "ok lng yan, madami pa naman time eh, in gods time..." awww... it moved me talaga as in to the highest level noh... and currently, i am really convincing kylee, a friend of mine, to tell me her crush... grabe, di cya nagsspill. ang tagal ko na cyang kinukulit noh, but anyway, good for her, she really knows how to keep a secret.. uhm, i guess thats all for now, am currently listening to fastballs out of my head... super cool nung sounds talaga... any ways, just wanted to leave u guys with a simple quote, one of my favorites... never mind, ill create one nalang.. "Nver cease to let your emotions overrun you, they know whats best for you, specially in the things that you are most likely going to have, soon."

to start it off...

2005-07-26T18:29:00.000-07:00

hello, guys, well first of all, I would like to explain why writing a blog crossed my mind, firstly, because most of my friends do, second, I have nothing to do and third, I cant seem to satisfy my longing. To explain the third statement, I just came back from my home at Baguio. The weather moved me, im not used to having a cold weather kahit na Jan aq nakatira all my 15 years and a month lng aq dito sa Manila... Moving on, when I came here, I was having colds, it sucked big time! In addition to that, I woke up this morning thinking of how I suddenly missed my family. grabeh! na homesick talaga aq... buti nlng I had my blockmates with me all day.. ang sya kaya. When I got home a while ago, I suddenly though of the vacation that we had last summer. It was in a large ship known as the superstar Virgo where they had everything u ever need. It was heaven... (not!)... Anyway, I was alone feeling so alone so I had the urge to go text karla, one of my blockmates, and we talked about our families... It was so fun... So I was alone in my room listening to senti sounds... (my type of music thank you very much)... Then I realized that I shouldn't feel so bad.. I have everything with me... Also, I texted another crush of mine named k****.. First I was teasing her until I felt jealous! aww... Its ok... haha... Well, i have nothing to say now, I did it, brought out what I felt... I really enjoyed sharing what I truly feel. How I wish that I could just have the courage to move on and continue with my studies without feeling alone, I have my friends with me, plus I can instantly talk to my family in a simple way thanks to the creator of the cellphone. Also, I hope that I could ride the ship once again and still see the same person in it. I really adored a person then but didn't have the courage to talk to her... Well, anyways, that all for now... (Damn! I suddenly missed the person. She was such a beaut that I followed her each and every day on the ship.) as I was saying, see yah tom... Love lots... Love yah mikaella!!!